i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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