Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
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so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
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PS: I just woke up from my shower
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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