i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
