i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
