So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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