He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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