I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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