i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
