Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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