is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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