It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have aggressive nipples.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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