Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize