i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What a dumb baby whore.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
