after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
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He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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