my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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