Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
