after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
