I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
