I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
