I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
