nut hugger
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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