the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Girls should come with a carfax report
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
