I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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