Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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