He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
