it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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