I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize