you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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