she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
