is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I lost the right to judge tonight
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
