he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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