I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
