Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
