you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
