Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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