I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize