is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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