am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
