i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
