you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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