i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
