he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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