i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
