uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
