toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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