Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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