Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
