I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
