No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
