ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
