We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
