That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Mom said you looked used
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
