i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
