You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
