He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
