I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
