I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
