good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
