Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
