Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
