"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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