so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
