Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

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(217): View more from Illinois

i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"

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(425): View more from Washington

He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.

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(386): View more from Florida

just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me

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(618): View more from Illinois

Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.

(1-618): View more from Illinois

That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me

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