We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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