My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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