my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
