just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize