I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
