do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
