I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
